Peter Griffin Presents: Hey Arnold the Jungle Movie
by Godzilla2915
Summary: It is finally here! Well not really. This is a unique Jungle Movie fanfiction from the mind of Peter Griffin as he tells Arnold, his friends, and family of his own version of what happened on Arnold's quest to find his parents. Rated T for crude humor. (Only Peter will have Family Guy style humor. Arnold and everyone else will act their usual selves.)
1. I'm Bored

**Note:** Peter (besides his story characters) will be the only one making Family Guy humor. Not the actual characters. Your childhood is sort of spared.

This fanfiction will contain some spoilers to 'Peter, Sonic, and Link: The Crossover Crystals'.

**Peter Griffin Presents: Hey Arnold the Jungle Movie**

In a lower class neighborhood, there was a boarding house that was home to a certain young boy named Arnold. Despite his football-shaped head, he was more mature than other children his age. Actually they roam around the city unsupervised. Must have been great back then.

Arnold was sitting on his stoop one day while eating ice cream with three of his friends; Gerald, Phoebe, and Helga.

Gerald, Arnold's best friend, had just finished his ice cream. "Man, now that was good. So, anyone here have any thoughts about what to do now?"

"We could go to the museum." suggested Phoebe.

"No thank, I want to die of old age rather than boredom." said Helga after finishing a chocolate ice cream cone. "Whatever it is, better not involve another jungle adventure."

The four laughed about that adventure their whole class took. It was a trip to the beautiful land of San Lorenzo, a country in Central America filled with green jungles and majestic wildlife, and also a secret.

Helga nudged Arnold's shoulder. "Gotta hand it to you. That one time you've decided to play 'bad-boy' and got us all in that secret search."

Arnold laughed lightly. "Well that one time did give me closure." He became quiet and thought about the mystery that had plagued him for almost his entire childhood. "You know what, we should tell that story."

"Now that's a good idea!" said Gerald.

"Don't even think about ruining my character!" Helga scolded Arnold with a playful tone.

"Don't worry, I won't."

"But I will!" suddenly, a portal appeared on the street, causing he kids to scream.

"My word! What is that?" shouted Phoebe as she held onto Gerald.

"You don't know?! Then who does!?" shouted Gerald.

"And here we thought you were the 'Keeper of the Tales'." Helga sarcastically said as she held up a bat. "After that adventure, nothing's gonna surprise me, or take me down!"

"But Helga!" Arnold tried stopping her. "We don't know what will come out of there! It could be a monster, or an alien, we don't know!"

As the chaos was going on, four adults ran out. There was an elderly man, an elderly woman dressed like a Viking, A blonde young man and a red headed woman. Their faces, except the old woman, were in shock.

"What in blazes is that!?" shouted the old man named Phil, Arnold's grandpa.

The two younger adults held onto Arnold. "Arnold, get inside!" shouted the red headed woman named Stella, Arnold's mom.

But then something jumped right out of the portal. It was an obese person wearing a … yeah you know who it is.

"Peter?!" shouted Stella and the blonde man named Miles, Arnold's dad.

Peter Griffin held a red crystal in one hand and an empty can of beer in the other. "Step down lady, hump this song! Dia-betes!" Peter fell down and landed face first on the road.

Miles and Stella ran to the man and held him up by the arms. "Peter?"

Peter looked up and saw the two. "You hookers are late."

"Drunken idiot." said Stella coughing from Peter's breath. "Don't you ever think about drinking anything ever again if you ever become an alcoholic!" Stella shouted to Miles.

"Got it!"

As the two helped Peter inside, everyone was asking multiple of questions.

Miles and Stella laid Peter down on the couch and talked to everyone else. "O.K., you know how long we were ….. you know." said Stella.

"But there was something else that'd happened before we were found." said Miles right before they told them a tale about four crystals, four chosen ones, and a King of Terror.

Peter woke up after a while and heard Arnold saying, "Can you repeat that?"

"Arnold-o! He's just making up stories just like the tree this apple fell out of!" Helga said as she points to Phil.

"Hey, my stories are true!" said Phil.

Peter sat up and saw Miles and Stella. "Miles, Stella, I thought you guys died or something. Or were you vampires with body glitter?"

Everyone, excluding Miles and Stella, looked at Peter with confusion.

"Vampires with what now?" asked Phil.

Peter looked at everyone and saw Arnold. "Heah heah heah heah, your head's funny."

"Hey, I'm the only person aloud to make fun of his head!" shouted Helga. "And what the heck are you?"

Stella told Helga that they really are telling them the truth. "We once worked for this mask-race, just like Mascasa, and almost helped the end of all worlds."

Arnold looked at his parents with the oddest look. "….. it was for a good cause that got out of hand." said Miles.

Peter looked at Arnold and at Miles and Stella. "This must be your kid. Hello, I'm Peter Griffin! One of the four chosen ones of those crystals." Peter looked at Miles. "Say, I heard one of you saying Mascasa. Is he still dead, of did something happened that revived him? Do these people even know Mascasa even existed, or the Death Masks now called Faceless? How's Jozen doing? I forget what happened between him and Maskus."

Stella looked at everyone and helped cleared things up. "Short story. Peter has this magic crystal that can travel into other worlds, bad guys wanted all four and the four chosen ones to awake the King of Terror, than crap happened but everything went back to almost normal. Other world have different rules. Bats on Fire. End of story!"

"Bat's on what?" asked Gerald.

"Magic?" asked Phoebe.

Miles sat down with Peter and asked him why he had come to their world. "Because I was bored and Lois kept nagging me about lighting the orphanage on fire."

"Peter …" Miles and Stella said with irritation.

"Set what on fire?!" asked Arnold.

"Relax, we've send their pay checks." Peter yawned and asked what they were up to. "You see, I wanted to go to the Green Eyes place, but looks like it send me here. So let's do something."

Everyone looked at each other. "Sorry, my mind won't be working for a while after it was blown to bits!" said Gerald as he held his head.

"As in, fairy tale magic?!" asked Phoebe.

Grandpa scratched his chin. "I know what you can do; you can listen to the borders complaints."

Just then, a pinked skin bald man named Oscar Kokoschka, walked in. "Hey Grandpa, Susie kicked me out. Can I stay with you until she gets over it?"

"I still can't believe someone married him." said Stella.

"That's boring. I want to tell everyone a story." said Peter.

"Hey, who's the large man?" asked Mr. Kokoschka.

Arnold, even thought he had just learned about other worlds in a matter of minutes, felt that it was odd that he was just going to retell the story of his jungle adventure with his friends. "Actually, Mr. Griffin, me an-"

But then Helga covered his mouth. "Don't get anything started."

Stella smirked and coughed to get Helga's attention. "Remember what I'd told you about your anger."

"Meh, Arnold's used to it." Helga smile.

"Story? Is it about how Miles and Stella became … what ever happened?"

Helga glared at Arnold. "Heh heh, sorry Helga."

"Now now hold on." Peter sat up. "I just remembered that you guys are supposed to be lost. Tell me about that. I'm sure it will be better than 'After Earth'."

(Cutaway Gag)

Peter is sitting in a theater. "Oh boy, this will be great!"

Then on the screen it showed 'directed by Shyamalan."

"Damn it!"

(End Cutaway Gag)

Everyone in the room were shocked and looked around the room. "Did anyone else just saw that?" asked Helga.

"That's …. That's his thing." Miles filled in.

After just clearing his mind, he told Peter that he will tell the story.

"Wow, that sounds like the most stupidest idea ever."

"What?"

Stella sighed. "Well, what sort of idea is good for you? Since you said that you wanted to hear the story."

"But I still do." said Peter. "It's just that I want to tell it."

Everyone lifted an eyebrow at Peter. "But you don't know it and you wanted to hear it." said Miles.

"Well I'd change my mind. This will be known as 'Hey Arnold: The Jungle Movie'."

"Jungle Movie?" asked Arnold.

"And what kind of title is that?" asked Helga.

"Oh ho ho. I don't think you know about these fanfictions."

"Fan-what?"

Stella motioned her hands. "O.K. just calm down. Since Peter is a guest, we should just let him tell his own story so he can get back to his home world, faster."

Everyone in the room sat down. "Well then, now this is getting interesting. Just let me check the Hey Arnold Jungle Movie wiki." Peter took out a smartphone and opened up the website. Everyone just gave up asking Peter what's going on. "Now let's see here. Backstory, plot, sketches, characters, fan-led campaigns, oh hey some other fanfictions. ….. Seriously, that jackass put his story on their?"

Miles and Stella quickly covered Arnold's ears. "Peter!"

Peter put away his phone. "O.K. I think I understand." Peter cleared his throat and spoke. "This is a tail about how a boy found his dead-beat parents in a dark alley selling pot."

* * *

**Chapter 1**: I'm Bored

'Hey Arnold, Hey Arnold, Hey-" Arnold unhooked his potato alarm clock. Wait those exists? I want one! Arnold rose from bed and took out a journal. He opened it and found a picture of him drunk at the Thanksgiving Day parade, where he sold his parents to the terrorists.

"Where are you?" Arnold thought to himself about his missing parents.

Nine years ago, they just abandon their mistake on a stoop belonging to some old people, which actually turned out to be his grandparents, who knew. The anniversary of this tragic day passed and now Arnold had found a map in his dad's journal, gay.

Arnold got dressed and walked downstairs into the kitchen, where his grandpa is reading the newspapers. "The Red Socks lost again." said Grandpa voiced by Captain Crunch. "Hey orphan, I mean organ. Still thinking about that map that will defiantly not lead to your parents?"

Arnold looked at the journal with sad eyes. "I hope I could find them with this. Hopefully I could have some hope to find a way to California and hopefully find my parents with the powers of hope."

* * *

**Helga laughed at Arnold's speech.**

* * *

Pooky handed Arnold a lunch bag. "I'm making waffles!" said Pooky in Eddie Murphy's voice.

Arnold looked at the clock and it told them that it was time for Arnold to get out. "Have fun at school, Arnold." said Grandpa.

Arnold put on his backpack and walked out the door. The neighborhood was old fashion where everything is alive and was dancing to the background music. Arnold walked down the street while still being moopy as he passes all the happy talking buildings.

"It's a beautiful day." "The Sun is shining." "Puppies are cute!"

Then Arnold passed by the one normal building. It was not alive or anything, just plain.

One building looked at the normal building. "Hey, this guy's not like us."

Another building gasped. "That must mean that he's responsible for all our misery! Kill it!"

Then all of the building took out weapons and destroyed the building, just after some guy propose to his girlfriend inside.

Human in a nut-shell, Turtle Power.

Arnold finally reached his school, P.P. 666, heah heah heah. That was where he met his best friend Gerald, who is now a white nerd."

* * *

"**WHAT!?"**

* * *

"Heeeey Arnold. I just found out how to divide the square root of a sunfloor." Arnold, who is now a serial killer, shot a box of cheerios down the street.

The school bell ran and an announcement was made. "You kids don't know how lucky you have it." said a depressed man. "After all this, you'll learn what sex is and get pregnant, then you go to highschool where the boys will kill you and the girls will become Satan worshippers! Then you go to college and fail and pile up a huge debt while the college fills up with money. Then you have to pay bills and get divorced and whhhaaaa ha ha ha!"

* * *

"**Mom, Dad, what's going on?!"**

**Miles rose his voice at Peter. "Peter, these are just children!"**

"**Fine….."**

* * *

"Everything is all happy! Be happy for ever and ever!"

So after the announcement was made, a blonde girl pushed Arnold and Gerald on the floor. "Move it, foot-ball head!" shouted an ugly girl.

* * *

"**Helga is not ugly!" shouted Arnold.**

* * *

The girl's name was Big Patty.

* * *

**Helga gave Arnold the death glare as he gulped and rubbed the back of his neck.**

* * *

Then that Helga came in ate a hot dog. "Oh my love, you are downright hopeless, nobody but me would want you. And soon I will not want you."

* * *

"**Hey, I would never say that to Arnold!" shouted Helga.**

* * *

"Oh my lovely Bruce."

* * *

**Helga sheepishly smiled at Arnold.**

* * *

So all the kids gathered in Mr. Simmons class. There were the Fonz, the Fonz, the Fonz, and those other brats.

Mr. Simmons, who as of last week became Miss Simmons, came out of the closet. "Hey boys and girls! We special have special a special essay special contest special that special will special bring special one special lucky special winning special student special to special a special 'special' special trip special to special San special Lorenzo … special!"

* * *

"**Wait, how did our fifth grade teacher turned into a woman and why?" asked Gerald as Miles, Stella, Grandpa, Grandma, and Oscar sweat in fear of Peter blabbing something out.**

"**Pixie dust."**

* * *

Arnold's hope rose. "My hope is real! I can win!"

Helga looked at Arnold and sighed. "Oh Arnold, lovey dovey poem stuff."

Arnold immediately took out a piece of paper and wrote down. 'Testicles'.

* * *

"**Don't you mean, tentacles?" asked Arnold as Miles and Stella glared at Peter.**

* * *

Arnold handed the paper to Miss Simmons. "Congratulation, special Arnold, special you special won!"

Everyone cheered. "Yes, I won!" cheered Arnold. "I just hope a villain didn't plan this."

Out in the hallway, the villain, La Sombra that's now not wearing a poncho like the last time I saw him, was rubbing his hands. "Excellent, now that my complication step of having an essay contest started by a creepy middle aged man that is meant for children to come to where I live that had passed through the government have been a success!"

Later that month, Grandpa and Grandma was driving Arnold to the airport. "Now Arnold, your parents are dead."

At the airport, Helga's demon, Olga, was making annoying voices as she unfairly looks hot. I mean, Oh my god! That Olga can-"

* * *

"**PETER!"**

"**Fine…."**

* * *

Helga's sister's an annoying anti-anti-perfect Nazi.

So everyone lined up, including Principal Warts and La Sombra laughing evilly, onto the plane, which is now a pterodactyl just like in that one Fruity Pebbles commercial.

While flying, Arnold specifically told Miss Simmons that he has no connections to San Lorenzo and that his parents did not went missing there.

"Special."

So they crashed landed in San Lorenzo and all died. In heaven; Jesus Christ casted them all back to Earth for the sack of the plot.

On the ground, Miss Simmons was going over the rules. "Special stay in the group special I'm a woman now special I'm finally accepted into society special I can love men now and not be judge special if a pirate kidnaps us and we all escape, don't lead a small group to the opposite direction to where your parents might be special."

**End of Chapter**

* * *

"Well that's enough for one chapter." said Peter.

Gerald looked at Peter and asked, "So you're done and you'll just go home?"

"Nope, we're just gonna wait here till the next chapter is up."

"What do you mean by that?"

"That means we have to wait in our spots until the next chapter is uploaded.

"Uploaded?" asked Miles and Stella. "We can't just stay here all day."

"All day, having an update for even every week would be a miracle. But if it makes you feel better, I'll just pass out here on the couch and wake up till I'm ready." Before Peter fell asleep, Stella asked him one question. "Why yes I am still drunk!"

**A/N**: Never expected anything like this, huh? In case you are wondering, I might write an actual Jungle Movie fanfiction, but I just want to go crazy with this one first. This will also not be considered a 'Childhood Hating Parody' since this movie was never made.


	2. More Child Friendly

Peter got up from his (place time here) long nap. "Just what I'd needed." He looked up and saw a not so happy Miles and Stella standing with their arms folded. "Hey Miles and Stella, everyone still here?" Peter saw that only Arnold, Helga, Gerald, and Phoebe stayed.

"Peter, we need to talk about your story." said Miles.

Stella pounded her fists. "Do you realize how many questions we got from the kids?! The only answer we can tell them is 'wait till your older'." Stella grabbed Peter's shirt collar and pulled him up. "Your next chapter better be appropriate, or else."

"Well normally if someone asked me that, I would say 'you can't censor everything'. But since you're the kind of woman that _will_ tear away my manhood and beat me to the curb, why not. I actually have some experience when I started my own kid show ever since 'Jolly Farm' was canceled.

Stella dropped Peter and the four kids were ready to listen.

* * *

**Chapter 2:** More Child Friendly

Once everyone got out of the plane, the happy tour guide pointed at all the trees. "Can you tell me where we can find a tree?"

* * *

"Stella, I thought we were friends!" shouted Helga after realizing where Peter will take this now.

"Which Stella?" asked Peter.

* * *

As they walked to the village that Arnold prays they don't mention anything about his parents, everyone was singing ABCs. "A,B,C,R,A,B,S,I,N,V,I,G,I-"

* * *

"PETER!" shouted Stella.

"Oh yeah, sorry!"

* * *

They got to the village and would you of known it, a statue of Miles and Stella was there with a picture of Arnold as a baby.

"Hey, those people look familiar." said Harold who is now a bad crayon drawing.

"Who cares, Pinky." said Helga.

"Stop it, your confusing me!"

* * *

"Hey, is someone making fun of me in there?" Arnold walked to the window and found the real Harold.

"Sorry, Harold." My parents' friend is here and he's making up his own version of our adventure in San Lorenzo."

"Really, I wanna listen!" So Harold walked inside and sat on the floor.

* * *

"Willikers." said Stinky.

"Boy, howdy." said Sid.

So Doodle Harold went inside a magic shoe. The inside stinks.

Outside, Arnold was looking around everywhere to find spots to escape. "So when I run out tonight to look inside a deep dark jungle in hopes that I can find my parents alive that haven't been seen alive for nine years, I should walk out that away, with the power of hope!"

As he preached to himself, a chicken walked by and pecked the ground. Arnold sat down and petted the chicken. "Mr. Chicken, can you lend me some hope. I need all the hope I can hold to save the day." The Chicken only clucked.

Meanwhile, Helga was hiding inside a barrel to spy on Arnold. "Oh Arnold, poem stupid dummy puppy."

The two dumb blonde heard their teacher calling. "Class, this is Mr. Not the Badguy Who is also Not La Sombra."

The person bowed. "Please, call me Not La Sombra for short." said the real La Sombra. "I am also not going to use the football headed kid to get La Corazon." Hey, what does he want Stewie for?

* * *

The kids just glanced at each other about Stewie.

* * *

That night; Arnold was packing for his search that will get him killed. He is also accompanied by the chicken. "O.K. chicken, when everyone is asleep, we'll bust out of here and find my parents. God and our hope will be on our side.

(Cutaway Gag)

God is sitting on a couch watching down at Arnold while eating popcorn. "Hey Jesus, get over here! This is gonna be hilarious!"

(End Cutaway Gag)

As Arnold and the chicken were about to head out, Gerald….

* * *

Gerald glared at Peter right in the face.

"Fine….."

* * *

The _black_ Gerald blocked his way. "No way, man. I know you miss them, but you'll get killed!"

Arnold was completely shocked. "How-How did you know about my parents!?"

"Dude, you were talking out loud, to a chicken. Everyone else is still asleep and Doodle Harold is still in the giant shoe."

"It stinks in here!"

Arnold was very disappointed in Gerald. "But I thought we were friends."

Gerald sighed. "Arnold, you can't go out there at night and-"

"So you're saying that my hope will charge in sunlight? Great idea!"

Gerald became dumbfounded as Arnold head right back to bed. "You're a bold kid." Then Gerald noticed the chicken. "…. Hi?"

Outside; La Sombra was laughing to himself. "Mwa ha ha. Tomorrow they will be on a boat trip with Miles and Stella's old friend. That is when my men will attack!"

Elsewhere, inside the shoe, Doodle Harold was talking to an old fortune teller. "Greetings, I am Lady Tremela."

* * *

Harold raised his hand. "How do you know that old Lady that won't stop hitting me on the head with here stick?"

"I'm a chosen one."

Harold raised his hand again. "How long did you know what happened to Arnold's parents?" This question got Arnold listening.

"My last adventure left that secret on a cliff hanger. I think the only guy that knows is the King of Terror's awakener."

The kids looked at Miles and Stella. "Even he didn't know everything about it." They both answered.

* * *

Lady Tremela gazed into her crystal cube. "Doodle Harold, you must go into the temple of magic and answer the riddle, 'What is two plus two?'

"Stop it, your confusing me!" Doodle Harold started crying in stupidity.

* * *

"Heeeeyyyyyy!"

* * *

Lady Tremela whacked Doodle Harold. "Fool, it is your destiny to .. hm?" Tremela noticed something in her crystal cube. "Oh my! The child of Miles and Stella is here! You, go! I must prepare." So with her eye balls, Tremela threw Doodle Harold out the shoe. "Well that's taken care of. Oh Pixie Princess, come! It's time!"

A Pixie Princess flew to her and they began dancing. "Ohhhh!"

* * *

"PLEASE DON'T HAVE ANY SINGING!" demanded Helga.

"We've saved our neighborhoooooood!" Then a red headed kid named Eugene jumped in from the window, but tripped on the floor. "I'm okay."

"Heah heah heah heah. He's funny."

Helga sighed. "Might as well bring the whole class in."

Just then a black haired boy with glasses named Curly appeared from under a couch cushion with a psychotic smile.

* * *

So in the morning, during the caterpillar invasion, the rich girl named Ronda was complaining about not being rich enough. "I, missy richy, am not riding a commoner boat. Less money was used to make that!"

Then her best friend and bug fanatic, Nadine, captured a caterpillar. "Bugs are the most dominant lifeform on the planet! Humans will bow to them!"

As they stand on a dock to wait for a boat. Tremela walked by and saw Arnold. "Excuse me, little boy."

Arnold looked at Tremela. "Ahhhh, pedophile!" Then a bunch of angry men beat Tremela to death.

* * *

"What?!" shouted the kids.

"But why will you have Lady Tremela die like that?" asked Eugene.

"Because it's my story and ….. oh wait, I need her later on. You can forget that part."

* * *

"Are you Arnold?" Tremela asked.

Arnold looked at Tremela with suspicion. "Are you from the government? I already told them that the power of hope will fuel everything they need so we don't have to use fossil fuel.

(Cutaway Gag)

Somehow the government was actually able to harness hope, but kept it secret to the public. Someone was speaking to some other people on a screen. "Yeah, we still don't have a good enough power source besides oil, so please continue the war in the Middle East and make us more mon …. I mean spread peace."

(End Cutaway Gag)

* * *

Helga sighed in relief. "For a minute there I thought he was gonna turn his story into the bijjilienth environmental message." Helga whispered to Arnold. "…. What was that about our government?"

* * *

Tremela looked around for eavesdroppers. "I came to warn you that someone is plotting to pollute the river."

* * *

"CRIMENY!"

* * *

Tremela handed Arnold a whip. "Use this magic whip." She walked away without giving any more instructions.

"Wait, what I'm I supposed to do?" Arnold yelled back toward her.

"Oh figure it out on your own!" she shouted. "And don't look up on the internet. That will ruin the fun."

Then the class, including the chicken, saw a boat heading toward them. It stopped or whatever you call it for boats and a Hispanic cowboy with a mustache jumped out. "Hola." He greeted. "I am Ed, Edd, and Eddy."

* * *

"Oh sorry, wrong show." apologized Peter.

"What?"

* * *

Edwardo opened the gate. "You may get in, but first you have to say 'Hola' … come on, say 'Hola'." A silent moment went by from the class. "Good! Now we can go on the boat."

So they all got on board while Olga dressed in a playbo-

* * *

"PETER!" shouted Miles and Stella.

"Fine….."

* * *

Dressed in a normal bunny costume, like the one Mr. Herbert sometimes wears. Arnold and the chicken were the last one to go on board. Eddy looked at Arnold and thought he looked very familiar. "Hmmmmm, do I know you?" Then not La Sombra whispered something into Edwardo's ear. "Oh …. I don't know you at all!"

Arnold gave a weird look and walked by. Not La Sombra, who is indeed La Sombra, wrapped his arm around Ed. "Once we get those kids to the spot, then you will be rewarded. Mwa ha ha!"

Edwardo made a sad face that dropped a foot down. "O.K…"

Later that day; Arnold was talking to Gerald and the chicken about his parents. "I know they're alive out there, and I'm going to find them!"

Then Grandpa breeched from the river like a killer whale. "They're dead." He said right before returning into the water.

* * *

"Oh there he goes again saying I'm a bad guy." said Phil walking in. "And when did all your friends get here?"

Arnold said that Harold, Eugene, and Curly got here a moment ago, but then realized that Sid, Stinky, and Lila was also there too.

"Your grandmother let us in and said that this man was telling his own telling of our ever most wonderful adventure." said Lila as Grandma was singing the national anthem.

"Well the more the merrier." said Peter.

* * *

Inside a barrel; Helga was spying on Arnold. "Oh Arnold, I build shrines to you in my closet."

* * *

"Oh pleeeeease. I may have a crush on the boy, but I wasn't that crazy." said Helga, while holding an unholy fury for Peter and a gruesome wonder of how the hell Peter knows.

* * *

"Oh violet, red, and grey roses and most of all stuff." Then a loud wheezing was coming from somewhere … wait, that's not in the story!

* * *

Brainy was now in the house, wheezing behind Peter. "Uhhhh ….. hi."

"Hello." Peter greeted friendly. "Back to the story."

* * *

Arnold looked down the river and noticed a small boat. He took out some binocular and fond a bunch of people with swords. "Uh oh!"

The band of people jumped on board and surrounded the class. "Oh my, please don't have my way with me!" Miss. Simmons pleaded with a hint that he wanted it.

Seeing the ugly face on her, they looked at Olga.

* * *

"I beg your pardon!" Helga looked at the door and found Olga.

"Yep, going to be one of those days." said Helga.

"Peter." Miles and Stella said with a tired tone.

"O.K., I'll just have Olga have a penis instead a vagina."

"NO!" shouted Miles, Stella, and Olga.

"But that's an atomic bomb to sober rapists, or when they become sober again."

"What's a-"

"We'll tell you when you're older!"

* * *

So the not horny pirates aimed their swords. "What is the meaning of this?!" asked Principal Wartz. Heah heah heah heah. His name is wart."

Then Not La Sombra and Edwardo came. "Oh they're with me!" Not La Sombra then pulled off his skin, which was a disguise. "I am La Sombra, the river pirate." The true La Sombra, he is dressed like a pirate of the seas. "Argh, shiver me timbers."

* * *

"Wait a minute. You made La Sombra into a sea pirate with all the pirate gig?" asked Gerald.

"Yes I did. I remember when I fought in. He was a disgrace to his kind. I didn't even see one parrot."

* * *

"Argh, Ed, take this boat to my hide out!"

"Yes sir." So Edwardo dreadfully took the class to La Sombra's hideout. Hey, are the Death Masks good guys? They should kick La Sombra's butt.

* * *

Stinky scratched his chin. "Aren't the Death Masks supposed to be those monsters like the writing on the walls said?"

"And is that what Mascasa supposed to be?" asked Lila.

"That depends." said Peter. "Was Mascasa revived and did you all know that he's real? Speaking of which…"

* * *

Miss. Simmons panicked as he saw the kids in fear. "Oh no …. Where's Harold?"

On the decks, the class had completed forgotten about Doodle Harold. "Stop it, your confusing me!"

Then Doodle Harold heard people yelling at a shack. "This is weird. All of our garbage is gone." said a guy. "But where did it go. I hope it doesn't end up in the river."

Lady Tremela came and heard the people. "It looks like a villain will use the garbage to pollute the lake. Arnold, you must …" Tremela then noticed Doodle Harold. "Oh, you again. Well make do with what you have." Tremela walked toward Doodle Harold. "Fatty, you must find this villain and put an end to his plan."

"Stop it, you're confusing me!"

Tremela sighed and decided to accompany Doodle Harold on his quest. Will Doodle Harold have other jokes beside 'Stop it your confusing me'? I don't know, but what I do know is that someone was spying on the two. He was a short, upside down triangular khaki colored mask shaped monster with big round eyes with small green dots, raptor-like black claws and bird feet, an X shaped mouth, and a bash of black hair behind his mask.

"He he he. My masters will love a challenge." The creature said in a sinister snarl as it hopped away.

**End of Chapter**

* * *

"Oh yeah, I get my own story!" cheered Harold.

"And here I thought it couldn't get any more stupid." said Helga. "Wait, that creature sound familiar."

Miles and Stella looked at one another. "Peter, was that #52?"

"Yep, he and two other Death Masks are gonna be in this too. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go masturrrrrrrr." Peter noticed Stella holding a baseball bat. "Gonna be a master at tic-tac-toe."

"And he said this was going to be more child friendly." sighed Miles.


	3. A Pirate's Life for Me

Peter was now on the roof, looking at Arnold's room. "Oh my God! This room rock!" Arnold, his parents, and his friends now including Ronda, Nadine, and Pea Pod Kid are all on the rooftop. "Wanna trade room?"

"No ….."

Ronda slapped Curly for being too close to her. "So now you're going to tell the part were those awful pirates took all my accessories like my microwave, hair dryer, make-up, and my latest fashion!" stated Rhonda.

"Which you would just throw out the next season." snarled Helga.

Harold shushed everyone. "Keep quiet! I wanna hear the part about how I save the river!"

Peter cleared his throat. "O.K. so after the pirates brought everyone to their secret hideout inside a hippo, La Sombra was ordering Arnold around.

"A hippo?"

* * *

**Chapter 3**: A Pirate's Life for Me

"And I want my wopper extra crispy. You got that, cabin boy?" Arnold was working at a cash register inside the hideout's Burger King.

"You can't defeat hope! Hope will vanquish all evil!"

"Argh, you watch your mouth, lady! With La Corazon, I'll make sure hope went extinct!"

* * *

Arnold, even though he knows he'll get a stupid answer, raised his hand. "That wasn't La Sombra's plan, and that plan is kind of stupid."

"What the matter, Arnold." joked Helga. "Something like that would be like the devil to you and your dad."

Helga and Arnold laughed as Stella elbowed Miles.

"Hold it right there!" Peter stood up. "Don't you dare follow the lovey dovey path just like that green elf did with the elf girl! In this story, you are an adventurer!"

Arnold became confused. "Uhhhh, Mom and dad, what does he mean by elves?"

Peter handed Arnold a Wii and a copy of 'Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword.' "Just play this."

Miles took the game off Arnold. "Peter, how did you get this?"

"My world has pop culture references, and your show sucked."

* * *

La Sombra placed a map on the counter. "Tell me where the Hidden City is!"

Arnold took a look at the map. "Why are you asking me? Didn't you already enter there and took La Corazon?"

"I don't know, that what the recently released sketches of this scene said." So after not listening, La Sombra locked him in the Hippo's appendix. "This will teach you for not helping me find me booty!" Heah heah heah, booty.

Arnold noticed how dark the inside of the organ was. "Oh no! Now my hope will not charge ….. wait a minute. You want to turn the sun off so no hope will recharge!"

La Sombra laughed. "Argh. That it is, boy! There's nothin you can do about it!"

* * *

Phoebe raised her hand. "Actually, if La Sombra managed to turn the sun off, our planet will freeze below anything it had ever experience and there will be no gravity so-"

"Nerd!"

"Hey!" shouted Helga and Gerald.

Helga pulled Peter by his shirt. "Apologize before I introduce you to old Becky and the Five Avengers.

"You know the Avengers? I wanna meet the Hulk."

* * *

Meanwhile, in the cell, everyone else was afraid for what will happen to them.

"Kiss me!" Miss Simmons pleaded Principal Wartz.

"No!"

Rhonda was crying the loudest. "I broke a nail!"

Nadine looked at the nail. 'Here, stab yourself with this needle containing mutant slug genes. It will make you superior."

As Gerald tried to nab the keys off a sleeping guard, Helga was talking to herself. "Oh Arnold. My poems suck!"

* * *

Helga then threw a brick at Peter, but yet he continued the story.

* * *

Gerald managed to get the keys. "You guys, I got them. We can get out!" But then Principal Wartz took them.

"Using keys is against school rules." He swallowed the keys whole.

Olga began crying with a high enough pitch that a hard to hear dolphin can hear it. That means that the people could hear it and their ears began to bleed.

* * *

"Hey, why are you insulting me?" asked Olga.

"Because it's Tuesday."

* * *

So after Principal Wartz did his duty. Heah heah heah heah. They unlocked the door and Olga cried the sleeping guard to death.

"Come on, we have to save Arnold!" said Gerald.

Elsewhere; Doodle Harold and Tremela had found a trail that looks like garbage bags being pulled. This must be it." said Tremela. "All we have to do is follow this trail and ….. stop eating the wild life!"

Doodle Harold dropped a half-eaten monkey from his mouth. "I was hungry."

So then the not-eaten half flew toward La Sombra's Hippo Hideout and went up its a- Oh wait, that's right. Don't worry Miles and Stella, I won't say it. And went up its butt.

* * *

"Ugh!"

* * *

The dead monkey half flew right at the Hippo's appendix and opened the door, and it did it all by himself! Arnold ran off and found that all of La Sombra's men are being killed by Olga's crying.

"Me Men!" La Sombra was furious by this. He grabbed Arnold by the neck and held a pineapple to his head. "Nobody moves or cry or this boy will be sent to Davy Jones's Locker!"

The class dropped Olga and raised their hands to surrender.

La Sombra laughed at this as Arnold tried to break free. "If only I can charge my hope with sunlight in here."

Back with Doodle Harold, the two had found a cave that the trail led to. "That must be the villain's hide out. Harold …" Harold was now eating the dirt. "You fat fool … wait a minute. That' perfect! Harold, you can eat a tunnel to the cave to catch the villain off guard."

So Doodle Harold ate all the way to the center base of the cave. Harold made a small hole for them to spy through. Unfortunately they've stumbled upon the bathroom of a gay club, and no I will not explain how they have sex with a pile of logs.

Tremela whacked Doodle Harold and they tried another way. They eventually found the base and saw the small creature kneeling to a dark figure. "My Masters, someone is trying to swat your plans of polluting the river."

The dark figure stood up. "How interesting." he said.

"Ssssso a challenger will faccccce usssss." said another voice.

"BEAT HIM TO THE PUMMLE!" said a loud voice. You can tell because those letters are all capitalized.

"We will hunt him and feast!" said a female voice.

The Dark figure walked into the light and revealed himself, or themselves. It was a fat, man-sized mask monster with five heads. One is a serious looking tribal mask, the other a feathered snake, a pig, a spider, and a plain looking one.

"HUNT HIM!" shouted the pig named Pigder.

"Yessssss." said the snake named Pretzelquarter.

"I will love to suck his inside." said the spider named Aracandous.

"And he will not be a match against us!" said the serious looking one named Master Maskus. Duh Duh Duuuh! The plain mask looked dead. "Soon, we will take our revenge on the famous and most greatest hero the worlds ever known. Peter Griffin the Great!"

"Peter? I don't believe we can win againssssst him." said Pretzel snake.

"HE'S GOOD AT PLAYING CHECKERS!" said Pigder.

"And super sexy." said Aracandous. "I am jealous of that nagging Lois."

Maskus looked at the dead mask. "Peter the Great killed my daddy! Now he shall pay, once we pollute the river. Everyone knows that if you throw garbage at a river, a great evil will be revived! Then we'll be the most powerful force in the world and destroy Peter Griffin!"

Tremela gasped. "They're trying to revive Mascasa!"

* * *

"And here starts the even more insane part." said Helga. "So what, the Green Eyes Devil now has henchmen and a kid, who are all attached to each other?"

"Yes, nobody will ever expect that."

Miles whispered a question to Peter about the Death Masks. "Yeah, I still remember what happened. I'm trying to avoid spoilers."

* * *

#52 snickered. "Yes, now we must pollute the river and … hey!" The Death Masks looked to their left and found Doodle Harold eating the garbage.

"What!?" shouted Tremela as she noticed that Harold wasn't with her.

"Our challenger!" shouted Maskus. "Seize him!"

#52 ran over to Doodle Harold and they started an RPG battle!

**RPG Time!**

**Doodle Harold **HP: 10 vs. **Scouter #52** HP: 5

Doodle Harold selected attack and punched #52, taking away 1 point.

#52 selected attack and done 2 damage points.

Doodle Harold chose the special move and selected Chew. Harold grabbed #52 and placed him in his mouth. He chewed him up and took away 2 points.

#52 also used a special move, Laser, and took away 5 points.

Doodle Harold chose item and ate an apple, restoring 10 HP.

#52 done special again, but this time Clone. He multiplied into four clones.

"Stop it you're confusing me!" Doodle Harold couldn't decide which one was the real thing and skipped a turn.

The four #52 clones attacked, taking away 4 points total.

Doodle Harold decided to use summon, and brought forth his mother. "My baby!" Using her fat, Harold Mother rolled over all the clones. Dealing 6 points to each.

"Naaaahhhhh!" #52 poof in a cloud of smoke.

**Victory! Harold level up to Lv. 2**

**End RPG.**

#52 got on his right knee, panting in his defeat. "You're ….. tougher than you look."

The Death Mask Masters looked at the garbage. "Nooooo! He had eaten all the garbage. The only other way to revive Mascasa is to sacrifice a football headed kid!"

"You mean like one of classmates with a football head?" The Death Masks looked at Harold as Tremela slapped him for being stupid.

"Really? Then I guess we should pay him a visit." Maskus took out a ball and threw it on the ground, it turned out to be a smoke bomb and the monster disappeared.

"They got away!" shouted Tremela. "You fat dummy!"

"I was hungry."

Then the smoke exit out of the cave and traveled to the Hippo, where it caused the large animal to self-destruct!

* * *

"HOW?!" asked Pheobe.

"Because when oxygen mixes with milk, you get a DVD box set of 'Full House'.

* * *

Everyone was sent flying all over the jungle so they can humorously interact with the jungle. Miss Simmons, Principal Wartz, and Olga were in one group. Stinky, Sid, and Lila in another. Rhonda and Nadine in another. The wheeze boy all by himself. And uhhhhh the side characters being abducted by aliens. Then there leaves Arnold, Gerald, Pheobe, Helga, the chicken, and that Ed guy.

"Sunlight!" Arnold got up and held his arms up to absorb the rays. "My hope is recharging!"

As the real Helga started laughing, the story Helga slapped Arnold. "Baseball head!"

Arnold was completely surprised that Helga called him Baseball head instead of Football head. "Helga, are you ….. wait a minute." Arnold grabbed a hold of Helga's face and ripped it off, revealing her true face. "Oh My God! Mom and Dad!?"

As it turned out, Miles and Stella was Helga all this time. "Son!" The family hugged each other and everyone, beside Helga since she's not real, lived happily ever after.

**The End**

* * *

"Wait, what!?" Arnold and everyone else, especially Helga, were just completely shocked. "That …. That's how you end it!?" asked Arnold. "But Helga …. She's real! And you're saying that my mom and dad was her in disguised?"

"Yep."

"But you, and that, and me!" Helga had just about enough and took out a baseball bat. "Change the ending, now!"

"Ahhh, alright! Jesus, can you believe this girl."

"You can say that again." said Jesus Christ.

"Wait, who!?" asked everyone else.

* * *

"Football head." said Helga.

Ed looked around the jungle. "We'll never find our way back. I am not working for the bad guy who is threatening me in some way, and I do not have a tracker with me!"

As everyone was worrying, the chicken pecked at Arnold's pocket. Arnold suddenly remembered about his Dad Journal and the map. "You guys, I have a map!" Arnold held out the journal. "I can lead you there, follow me!" he said with a troll face because in reality, he's leading them to the uncharted place on the map.

Elsewhere, La Sombra found himself near the river. "Argh. Those blasted kids will regret they mettle with La Sombra!"

Then the Death Masks showed up. "Wanna team up?" asked Maskus.

"No, that's O.K. I think our plans will not work out together. Are you after Miles and Stella's kid and La Corazon.

"Yep. But not La Corazon"

"Oh, can you wait till after I get La Corazon?"

"Sure."

"Good."

**End of Chapter**

* * *

"Well, that's enough for today." Peter got up and looked down at the street. "This place got a bar?"

Nobody was paying attention to Peter, all their focus was on freakin Jesus Christ.

"Hey, I'm Jesus Christ from Peter's world."

Everyone was gazing at him, but then Harold remembered he's Jewish. I would go into more details, but I don't want to offend Jews which can lower my views for this fanfiction. So now Moses is there too.

"Merry Christmas! Readers! … and happy Hanukkah… and Kwanzaa… and Jump in a Holiday for Free Gifts since you're atheists or Buddhists or Muslims or I don't know." waved Peter. "Was that still offensive? Well I don't think it's as much as what we do on our show or what South Park will do. Why does Cartman hate my show? Was he molested by a Family Guy Episode? Or was it…."

Then Stella punched him right in the gut. "Shut up, now!"


End file.
